My brother (who sometimes comments here as Brother Jon) sent me a link to this YouTube video today. It’s hysterically funny. Don’t worry that the sound is so low you can’t really hear what they’re saying–it’s in Italian. The part that is funny transcends language, and you can pretty much guess what she’s saying, anyway. And I love the expression on the husband’s face. Priceless.
Now that we interact so much through text, we’re exposed to people’s misconceptions about words, as well as some really interesting misspellings. Below is the latest batch I’ve gathered while wandering the internet. If you want to see the previous installment, go here.
1. I think I am clever and inciteful. (Hmmm, perhaps the person who wrote this is an agent provacateur?)
2. You can take swaps for a paternity test the day the child is born. (Sadly, there are fathers who wish the baby could be swapped for one that wasn’t theirs.)
3. Salary will commiserate experience & technical competency. (That must be one pathetic salary.)
Joan over at Whatever I Think interviewed me and came up with some good questions. So thanks, Joan! These were fun to write about.
1. As a writer I am assuming you probably also read a lot. Who is your favorite author and why?
It’s so hard to pick one favorite, because I’ve read a wide variety of books and each author has something unique to offer. If I chose one, however, I would say Margaret Atwood. Her writing is so good I call it delcious–it’s almost as if I can taste the words. I admire her skill both as a storyteller and as a writer. Some people have beautiful writing, but don’t come up with compelling stories. Others are fascinating storytellers, but their writing isn’t anything spectacular. She manages to do both, somehow.
Others I love are Peter S. Beagle, Alice Hoffman, Barry Eisler, John LeCarre, and Madeline L’Engle.
Oh, now I want to pick Madeline L’Engle as my favorite! Can I change my answer?
2. These are stressful times we are living in. How do you handle stress?
As you know, I was laid off last month and the job market is tight, so my coping skills are really being put to the test. I don’t cry often, but being laid off was so stressful I did cry a few times the first few days. That helped get some sadness out and brought a little stress relief.
But you can’t cry forever, and I am a woman of action, so I’ve been doing a few things to handle stress:
Write my resume, network, apply for jobs. What better way to handle the stress than to do the things that will get me out of this mess?
Spend time with friends and family, and get out of the house to do so, when possible. Connecting with people who I love and who love me reminds me that I’m laid off, not dead.
Walk. Exercise is so important. It gets me out into the fresh air and burns off some of the fear and worry. Plus, it’s making me stronger, and I’m continuing to lose some weight.
Create. I went to the local Conservatory the yesterday to take pictures, and I have a quilt to work on.
Get out of the house. I already mentioned it above, but it’s worth repeating. Isolation is depressing and anxiety-provoking. So if I start to feel too anxious, I’ve been going to the library. I’ll sit and read for a while, and I make sure I sit near the circulation desk where there are lots of people. I’ve been getting into brief conversations with random strangers, and that helps keep me centered too.
Meditate. I haven’t meditated in a long time, and perhaps now is a good time to start the practice again. Thanks for asking me this question–made me remember how much I’ve enjoyed mediation in other stressful times!
3. What is your all time favorite movie and why?
Another hard one, but I guess I’ll say The Matrix. The special effects were revolutionary and mind-blowing, so it was visually appealing. More than that, I found the concept startling–the idea that people were quite literally living an illusion. I related to Neo feeling trapped in his day job, so the thought that it was all a cover for something much darker that he would have to overcome intrigued me. Plus, who doesn’t like to fantasize that somehow they are the chosen one who can dodge bullets and make everything safe and right in the world again?
4. If you could live anywhere in the world where would that be and why?
If I weren’t freezing my tail off at the moment here in Minnesota, I’d probably say Glacier National Park. I love mountains and took one of the best trips of my life there back in 1994. But I bet they’re freezing their tails off in Montana too right now. At the moment, Costa Rica comes to mind since it’s warm!
I suppose the middle ground would be to say Charlottesville, Virginia. A charming little city nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, but a warmer climate than Montana.
5. How did you arrive at the names Atticus and Oliver for your birds?
Oliver is sort of an olive color in places. He’s actually Oliver II. Oliver I was very olive-colored, and he was a teeny-tiny little bird, which made me think of Oliver Twist. Oliver I turned out to be sick, however, so I returned him to the pet store two days after I bought him. So Oliver II ended up with the name mainly because I was attached to the name by the time I found him.
Atticus is short for Atticus Finch. Atticus Finch is the father and lawyer in the book To Kill a Mockingbird, which I read again a couple of years ago. I thought it would be amusing to have a finch and name it Atticus. Atticus Finch is a budgie (parakeet), but he’s bright yellow, like a finch, so I saw that as my chance to use the name.
Thanks again, Joan, for such carefully-considered questions! If anyone else would like to be interviewed, let me know in the comments, and I’ll email five quetions to you.
I decided to leave cold and dreary Minnesota and go to the rain forest. After all, I’ve got time right now, and I’m tired of being so stressed out about being layed off. Plus, I applied a couple of places this weekend, so I needed a way to celebrate.
My journey began with this lovely view along a stone trail:
Ferns
The air was warm and humid, and the light filtered down through the trees, highlighting this plant growing in a dark pool of water:
When I looked up, I saw this little guy looking back at me:
A little further along the trail, I came across these beautiful orchids:
So I leaned closer to get a better view:
It was all so peaceful and wonderful, I didn’t want to go back home!
Oh, okay. So I didn’t really fly to the rain forest. These were taken today at the Como Park Conservatory in St. Paul, Minnesota. But did I have you fooled into thinking I’d done something wildly impulsive like fly off to Costa Rica? That does sound nice. Alas, I am here in Minnesota enduring frigid temperatures. But it was nice and warm in the Conservatory, and the sun shone through the windows.
I have even more pictures to share, but those will have to wait for another day. Hope you enjoyed these!
I ate a bit later than usual this evening. When I finally sat down for dinner and began eating, the birds went to their food and started chowing down like crazy. It might have been coincidence–they eat multiple times throughout the day. However, I’ve often had a sense that if they see me eating, they decide to eat too.
At the very least, they’re aware of me. When I looked over to watch them, Atticus got nervous and flew up to a perch. When I went back to my own meal, he returned to his as well. It was very cute!
I must be starting to pull out of the shock of my altered circumstances. Severe stress always kills my urge to write, but today I felt a couple of minutes of wanting to start a novel. I’m not sure that I want to write what I was planning on working on, though. I feel like I need a new idea. Something unique and grabby. Something playful and impish. Something that makes me feel hope, or makes me laugh.
Don’t know what that something is yet. But it is good to have even a couple of minutes wanting to write.
In other news, the paperwork arrived for COBRA and unemployment. That’s all I got in the mail, actually. I felt embarrassed when I saw the envelopes, clearly marked as being from the unemployment office. Now my mail carrier knows I’m out of work. I don’t know why that bothered me, but it did. I consoled myself by thinking she’s probably delivered a lot of those lately, so she might not have thought too much about it. Still, I hope she doesn’t start eyeing my house to see if a foreclosure notice goes up.
I haven’t sent out any applications yet. I found more things to tweak on my resume and did a bit more networking today. Heard back from a friend who looked over my resume and he had some excellent suggestions. So I’ll work on those tomorrow, and also go to the library and post office to copy and send my severance agreement to the state to document that I’ve been laid off. And then I’ll start applying.
I’m anxious to get applications out there. Although it’s wonderful that I have people who are willing to pass my resume around, in this economy, I’m not sure how likely any one strategy is to find work for me. Everyone who offers cautions that there might not be any opportunity for them to find. Well, be that as it may, I’m still thankful that they’ll put the word out for me.
Unemployment is definitely a bizarre roller coaster. One minute, I’m convinced I’ll be fortunate and land a job reasonably quickly. I’m a good employee, darn it. The next, I realize that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of good employees like me who will be applying for the same positions I apply for. But today I mostly felt good. I even made business cards to hand out to people. Made me feel professional. I’ll feel even more so when my butt is firmly planted in a chair in a cubicle somewhere.
It’s truly sad when you find yourself wishing to be in a cubicle, eh?
I just finished watching President Obama’s address to Congress and the nation tonight, and I found myself cheering at many points. This speech felt personal, because he started out talking about those of us who have lost our jobs in this economy, and all of those who worry their job is next to go, and those who know someone who has lost work. At this point, I would say that list includes every single American. We are all part of this crisis, and we are all looking for a way to hang on and get through it so we can thrive again. Nobody has been untouched.
One of my first questions when I was told I was laid off is what COBRA will cost me. I cannot afford to lose my health insurance. I am all too aware of the disaster that would fall on me if I were to become injured or ill without insurance. HR didn’t know for sure, but they thought it would be about $400-500/month. I wanted to cry. That’s nearly a house payment for me, and it will eat into my cushion quite severely. HR also said that they thought the stimulus package had a provision to subsidize COBRA, and I dearly hope that is the case. I hope to find work quickly and become insured under an employer’s plan again, but I do not count on it given how few jobs there are and how many people are competing for them. Tonight, President Obama mentioned that there are provisions in the package that will help people keep their health coverage. I hope he meant me too in that statement.
I am very aware of the clock ticking and that every minute that passes is more money draining from savings. Although I am fortunate to have a solid cushion, this crisis is so large that I do not take for granted that my savings can outlast it. And that savings is needed for other things like new windows and siding. If I lose it to unemployment now, it will set me back a decade and mean many more cold, drafty winters. If I run it down to the last, I also will not be able to cope with any household emergencies that arise, even once I find work. I will be left vulnerable to the next problem pushing me under and leaving me unable to dig back out again. I worked too hard to save up to buy this house to ever lose it like that, and I hope I never come close to losing it, but it’s certainly a fear brewing in my mind while I look for work.
Obama also mentioned the need to end the corporate tax breaks that encourage businesses to ship jobs overseas. I wanted to cry when I heard that. For the last six years or so, I have watched my former employer lay off American workers and post the jobs in India the very next day. Part of the reason I am out of work is that I trained the very people who replaced me. Last August, my old group was completely eliminated in the US. I was fortunate and moved to a new group before it happened, but that left me vulnerable in the this layoff, being the newest member of the new team.
It’s hard to see your friends who have worked so hard and been so dedicated to the company cast aside. President Obama pointed out that one reason for this trend is that health care costs have burdened our economy to the point that it is difficult to afford American workers, and I wholeheartedly agree. It is a cost that drags down our economic growth and causes small businesses to struggle to begin or to survive. Without small business, we cannot survive as a nation. Small businesses are our lifeblood. So I hope he and Congress can bring about health care reform. Although I worry about what a national health plan would be like, I think we’ve reached the point that we must do something or lose what we have.
He also mentioned that the stimulus package allowed the city of Minneapolis to keep 57 police officers they were about to lay off. So there was another reference that was close to home for me. He also talked about education and the importance not just of schools, but also of parents being engaged with their children and reading to them. My mom is a children’s librarian, so even though I don’t have children, the topic is important to me. Strong schools and engaged parents build strong societies.
I don’t recall ever hearing a presidential address that felt like it was truly addressing me, my community, and my worries. It was refreshing to hear, and I felt good about being able to face the challenges before me and before the nation. I am still frightened, because I don’t know what will happen to me with this job search. But at least we have a strong leader at the helm, and I feel we have a shot at pulling out of this tailspin.
As I looked at President Obama, I wished I could work for him. He’s such an inspiring human being. But I guess in a way I am working for him. My role in all of this is to do my best to find my next job, and to stay upbeat and positive. Indeed, I am connecting with other co-workers who were laid off and who feel the same way. I am not alone in all of this. None of us are alone. We cannot give in to despair and discouragement. We simply have to keep doing our best and to keep trying. We can rebuild and make it through these hard times. I’m sure of it.
Someone just posted this to a group I read. I have a dark sense of humor, so even in my jobless state, I found it quite amusing:
I’m polishing up my resume this morning, and I’d like to do something a bit different with it this time. A friend who is also looking for work sent his to me for review, and he had a section at the top that talked a bit about who he is as an employee and what his key skills are before moving into the work exerience section. I like that approach, so I’m playing with something similiar. I created a section at the top called “Core Competencies.”
Only problem? I misspelled it the first time and typed “Core Compentencies.” Good thing I’m detail oriented and caught the mistake immediately. Can you imagine sending out a resume with that as your lead section in this economy?
In spite of my plan to take a week off, I’ve found that simply isn’t possible. Being out of work is too stressful and anxiety-provoking, and what makes me feel better is to look for work. So I’ve been reviewing job postings and am finding some possibilities out there. Today I’m getting my resume up to date, and then I’ll start applying.
A friend did take me to the movie Coraline yesterday, though, which I greatly appreciated. A couple hours of distraction was welcome. Plus, the movie was excellent, and I highly recommend it. It’s about a girl whose family moves to rural Oregon and whose parents don’t have much time for her. She stumbles into an ideal “other family” that seems like it’s straight out of Leave it to Beaver, and they want her to stay with them. Then things turn sinister. A very creative and enjoyable story, with incredible animation.
Depending on what theater you go to, it’s in 3D. Decades ago, I wasn’t fond of 3D. It seemed too gimmicky with shots that didn’t serve the story but only served to highlight the 3D effects, which was distracting. This movie avoided that pitfall. Sure, there was a little eye candy when it first started, but then it settled into simply telling the story and the 3D didn’t take center stage. In fact, I found myself wondering how they could possibly have shown it *without* 3D, it was so well integrated.
Well, it’s nearly 6:30 am, and I’d better get back to work. I haven’t felt like being on the net much. I’d rather spend my internet time looking for a job, and when I’m not looking for a job, I want the heck out of the house. It’s too isolating to be here all the time. I need to be out in the world.
I was sick today and stayed home from work. When I woke up this afternoon, there were two messages on my answering machine from my employer asking me to call right away. So I called, thinking something had gone horribly wrong with the project I’m on and they needed my knowledge. Nope. I’ve been laid off.
Shit.
The thing is, I knew we were likely to do layoffs end of February or beginning of March. I actually said that to a couple of co-workers this week. HR couldn’t tell me how many were let go, but they did say a lot of people were. They made it clear this is not for performance reasons, and I know that’s true. I’ve been with the company for almost nine years, and there were twelve rounds of layoffs prior to this one. If I weren’t performing, I’d have been long gone. It’s the economy, and I have no doubt I’m in good company in this layoff.
Anyway, I’m kind of in shock at the moment, but I’m also thinking about what I’m going to do with this time:
1. Take a week off. I haven’t had a full week off of work since October 2004. I’ve earned a vacation.
2. Once my vacation is done, I will be setting my alarm for 7 or 7:30 am Monday through Friday. I will get up, get dressed and go for a walk. When I get home, I will look for work all morning. Then I’ll have lunch and take another walk. Then I’ll spend the afternoon doing stuff around the house. Then I’ll take another walk and have dinner.
3. This is a great opportunity to get working on my next novel. And my mom just sent me some quilting supplies. I have lots of scraps of fabric and can put those to good use.
4. This is also a great opportunity to do something different with my life. So I am going to be exploring and thinking about what direction I want to take.
There is definitely a swirl of emotion at the moment, and I’m in shock. I’m sad, frightened, grieving, excited, relieved, alert, exhausted, and paralyzed. On the one hand, I’ve been needing a change, but it felt too risky to leave a good job. On the other hand, being forced into change in this economy is not exactly ideal.
The reality, though, is that for those of us who are Gen X and younger, we are going to experience at least one layoff in our lives, and we are going to have to constantly reinvent ourselves. So I’m working on keeping my self-esteem intact, recognizing that this did not happen to me because I am unworthy. This happened because of forces beyond the control of myself or my former employer. I know they didn’t want to do this. None of us wants the things that are happening these days. But these are the times we live in, and so I’ll do my best to make the best of it.
Ambivalent Muse
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